Entrepreneur's limiting beliefs

Are limiting beliefs holding you back from achieving your goals as an entrepreneur? Find out how to identify and overcome them in our WikiTIPs.
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LIMITING BELIEFS OF THE ENTREPRENEUR

Accelerate your business with these expert tips on "Entrepreneur's limiting beliefs". Analyse and discover this TIP!

Limiting beliefs are thoughts or ideas that prevent us from moving forward and achieving our goals.

Some of the most common limiting beliefs that can affect an entrepreneur include

  • "I'm not good enough: This type of limiting belief can make the entrepreneur fearful of making important decisions or embarking on new projects. He or she may feel that he or she does not have the skills or knowledge to succeed.
  • "I don't have enough experience: Often, entrepreneurs who have just started their career may feel that they do not have the necessary experience to succeed. This can make them feel insecure when it comes to making decisions and delay the launch of their project.
  • "Success is for others, not for me": This limiting belief can make the entrepreneur feel inferior to other entrepreneurs or that success is unattainable for him/her. This may cause them to give up before they even try or lack the confidence to take their project forward.
  • "I don't have enough money: Lack of financial resources is one of the main concerns of entrepreneurs. However, if this concern becomes a limiting belief, it can cause the entrepreneur to postpone the launch of his project or to lack the confidence to invest in it.
  • "If I fail, I will be a failure": Fear of failure is a very common limiting belief among entrepreneurs. If this belief becomes an obsession, it can make the entrepreneur feel paralysed and prevent him from taking the necessary decisions to move forward with his project.

It is important to recognise these limiting beliefs in order to overcome them and move forward on the road to success as an entrepreneur.

How to detect the limiting beliefs of an entrepreneur?

Limiting beliefs are those ideas or thoughts that limit a person's potential, and entrepreneurs are no exception.

TO DETECT AN ENTREPRENEUR'S LIMITING BELIEFS, HERE ARE SOME SUGGESTIONS:

  • Actively listen to what the entrepreneur is saying: Pay attention to the phrases he or she uses, particularly those that begin with "I can't", "I don't know how" or "It's impossible". These phrases may indicate that the entrepreneur has limiting beliefs about what is possible.
  • Observe their behaviour: Limiting beliefs can also be seen in the entrepreneur's behaviour. If an entrepreneur always avoids certain situations or tasks because he/she believes he/she cannot do them, this may indicate a limiting belief.
  • Ask questions: Ask the entrepreneur about his goals, plans and dreams. If his answers indicate that he does not believe he can achieve what he wants, he may have a limiting belief.
  • See how he handles challenges: When the entrepreneur faces a challenge, pay attention to how he/she reacts. If he or she immediately gives up or loses self-confidence, this may be a sign of a limiting belief.
  • Offer support and encouragement: If you think the entrepreneur is dealing with a limiting belief, offer support and encouragement. Let him/her know that you believe in him/her and that you believe he/she is capable of achieving his/her goals.

Remember that limiting beliefs are common and normal, and can often be overcome with the right help. If you detect a limiting belief in an entrepreneur, help them find ways to overcome it and reach their full potential.

Our beliefs about what we are and what we can be can determine precisely what we can be" - "Our beliefs about what we are and what we can be can determine precisely what we can be". Anthony Robbins

There are beliefs that limit the entrepreneur's access to success. 

Each person has his or her own limiting beliefs, but there are several that are common to many entrepreneurs

"I COME FROM A FAMILY WITH PROBLEMS, THAT'S WHY IT'S HARD FOR ME TO SUCCEED:

Some people have such a strong attachment to their roots, place of origin and family that they believe that they "are and will be" the same as their family. It is a kind of "loyalty" or "solidarity" that gets them nowhere. We do not choose where we are born or what family we are born into, but we do choose what we do with our lives once we have a certain degree of awareness. Coming from an uneducated, poor, unsupported family, etc., does not determine our future.

  • In fact: it motivates us to be better.

"IT'S VERY RISKY AND I NEED A MONTHLY SALARY:

We all have financial commitments to meet and even more so if we are in a family, but who said you should give up your job? It is curious that Most entrepreneurship starts when unemployment arrives, but if you decide to start from the security and confidence that comes from working, we will go a long way. The support of your family circle is key and, for this very reason, will be the great motivator to move forward in your venture.

"YOU NEED TO BE LUCKY TO GET CERTAIN THINGS":

Luck is the intersection where opportunity and preparation meet. If the time comes and you are not prepared, then you will be out of luck. However, I understand many of these people's definition of "luck" (random events beyond our control that affect us) but trust me, this kind of luck plays a very small part in our lives. One, two or ten things that have happened to us because of "bad luck" does not interfere with the thousands of things we do with full awareness and under our full control to achieve our goals.

"I AM EITHER TOO OLD OR TOO YOUNG TO BE AN ENTREPRENEUR":

More experience does not make you old. On the contrary, is an opportunity to build on the knowledge you have accumulated over the years, You will certainly have a professional circle and they will be your best frame of reference, they may even become your clients or your professional support. You will find ample opportunities because of the road you have travelled. On the contrary, if you think you are too young, I invite you to read inspiring stories of entrepreneurs like Bill Gates and Mark Zuckerberg. who developed their businesses practically from university. They are people with real examples and who at some point decided to take the first step. Age is not a relevant factor, what you need is motivation, discipline and determination to do what others dare not.

"I DON'T HAVE MONEY/CONTACTS/EXPERIENCE AND THAT'S WHY I DON'T DO WELL":

We all lack certain things. The good thing about shortcomings, is that they are just "holes" that we need to fill.

ARE YOU SHORT OF MONEY? 

Take out a loan, credit or save for it.

ARE YOU MISSING CONTACTS? 

Get together with people who can support you in what you need.

And please don't tell me "it's not that easy" (because that comment would make me think that you want to get things without effort). We need to identify our shortcomings and plan how to eliminate them. Do not use them as an excuse.

"I NEED A LOT OF MONEY FOR ENTREPRENEURSHIP":

If you want to win you must invest, from your talent, time and dedication, we are talking about investment. Whoever is willing to invest is willing to win, overthrows the belief of scarcity because from it you limit your connection to abundance, ideally seeks to have savings to overcome any unforeseen eventuality. Entrepreneurship can even be economical, if you do it from your experience and knowledge, offering your talent as an advisor or consultant and in this way the greatest asset will be your own knowledge.

"YOU HAVE TO ANALYSE EVERYTHING VERY WELL BEFORE TAKING THE FIRST STEP":

This belief is very common among many entrepreneurs who They seek security and stability in everything they do. I agree that we cannot take the plunge without being aware of the risks, but it is not necessary to have everything "under control" before taking the first step. Many entrepreneurs are still waiting for the right moment and the right opportunity to come along, instead of taking the first step and letting inertia, together with preparation, guide them along the right path.

"...IT'S JUST THAT MY CASE IS DIFFERENT":

This is the worst of all. We are so special and at the same time so egomaniacal, that we think that our case is out of any norm and we have special conditions that make us the way we are and have the results we have. We believe that our conditions are more difficult, more cruel and more unfair than those of other people.

It is a condescending and complacent self-deception that justifies our actions through phrases such as: "he has succeeded because (any of the reasons), but it is not so easy for me because (any of the excuses)". We all have problems, obstacles and difficulties. It is up to us to use them as an excuse or as challenges to become stronger, more agile and better at what we do.

"I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH KNOWLEDGE":

We live in a changing world and surely if you want to deliver value it will be in your interest to upgrade, improving your skills and abilities to build your entrepreneurial idea with greater solidity and confidence. Being willing to constantly improve only depends on your willingness to move forward. Remember that those who do not prepare themselves to compete on the basis of innovation and creativity may be left out of the race.

"I AM NOT GOOD AT SELLING":

This is one of the most common beliefs in the world of entrepreneurship and at the same time a paradox because we want to have customers, but we don't want to sell, we expect them to come on their own. Behind this attitude is a fear of rejection, In reviewing this belief, it is evident that in most cases the very act of selling is seen as a bad thing, In the unconscious it is believed that to sell is to want to take advantage of others or to take advantage of them, it is even linked to begging or begging. Remember that without customers there is no income, and without income, of course, we will not survive.

"I AM AFRAID TO FAIL":

Fear of failure is considered one of the most limiting beliefs for entrepreneurship, it is normal to feel fear from uncertainty, but the difference is how you use it. According to studies conducted by the Harvard Business Review, There are several sources of fear of failure, including financial security, personal capacity/self-esteem, the company's ability to deliver on its promise, among others. Entrepreneurs often manage fear to their advantage to motivate themselves, and push them to make their best efforts to train, update themselves and turn it into their best ally towards success.

"NOW IS NOT A GOOD TIME FOR ENTREPRENEURSHIP":

With the new reality brought about by COVID-19, markets are facing new challenges and also economic problems that we cannot deny, but keep in mind that historically In the midst of major crises, opportunities and profitable businesses also emerge. Evoking the phrase "where some cry, others sell handkerchiefs", We know that complaining is not the solution, so think that there will always be ways and opportunities, the digital world has opened up countless options to boost entrepreneurs. The limiting beliefs are "those particular perceptions that we have been developing since we were children and that prevent us from growing in various areas of our lives".

ANOTHER EXAMPLE:

Since we were children, our environment told us that we had to study to get a good job and earn a lot of money, and this conditioned us to consider that only through a company we would achieve well-being and wealth, and this is where we find a blockage that generates a limiting belief.

In this TIP we are going to work on the concept of "beliefs" and in particular on everything to do with how they are formed and the role they play in the life of the entrepreneur. Our role as mentors in the relationship with the entrepreneur is that of facilitator.

We provide a space for reflection that should help you to clarify where they are, where they want to be and what they need to change/do to get there. This means, in many cases, making a change in the way they think, feel or simply do, and Our job is to facilitate that transition in thinking.

We are going to focus on the concept of limiting beliefs, as part of a thought process that pushes them away or prevents them from moving forward instead of driving and creating their business. 

Beliefs. Concept and types of beliefs 

"A group of settlers set up camp in Apache territory. One of them is very restless.

So another, more senior, says to him:

-Go to sleep peacefully, everybody knows that Indians don't attack before dawn. 

To which the former replies: 

-Yes, but... Do the Indians know? 

Beliefs, according to Robert Dilts, are "basically judgements and evaluations about ourselves, others and the whole world around us". Belief is the firm assent and conformity to something. It is the idea that theonsidered true and given full credence as true.

Rescuing the concept from the definition itself, we already see that it is based on the concept of "judgement or interpretation and evaluation" about something that is happening and the distance that exists between reality versus what we interpret to be happening in reality. Indeed, We spend our lives interpreting what happens. In fact, more than ninety percent of what we talk about is done from this subjective point of view.

We only respect a small space, to describe facts and realities in an objective way. We have to understand that this way of communicating (with others and with ourselves) is not a priori good or bad, it is simply our way of conversing and living together.

Therefore, The question is not to stop judging, to stop giving opinions or interpreting what is happening, but to be able to analyse (judge) our own way of judging. 

This play on words means that we must be able to reflect on whether our judgements and subjective evaluations are helping us to achieve our goals or whether they are distancing us from them or preventing us from achieving them.  From this perspective, we are talking about limiting empowering beliefs.

Everyone, when I say everyone I mean EVERYONE, mentor and entrepreneur, has a few of each type. Beliefs are born from within a person (it develops from one's own convictions and moral values), although it is also influenced by  external factors and the social environment (family pressure, dominant groups, etc.). 

The limiting beliefs are those thoughts that, by its nature, prevent you from engaging in certain actions or behaviours that would benefit you physically, emotionally or physically, psychologically, emotionally or socially.

The empowering beliefs are those that encourage or provoke behaviours that take you where you want to go, or lead you to your desired goal. 

...I'll explain myself better...

Beliefs cause us to behave in a certain way. Thus, The same belief can be empowering or limiting depending on the situation we are in. 

For example, thinking: "I'll never be able to speak in public". can have a positive effect on us, which is to protect us from public opinion, but becomes a limiting belief if it were necessary for us to speak in public.

If we were to go on stage, this belief would only prevent us from doing it well, because One condition of beliefs is that they tend to be fulfilled. So, in that case, your whole body would make your inability to make it true that "you are not fit for public speaking" a reality. 

As you can see, beliefs guide our lives and our daily behaviours. But there is good news, and that is that if our beliefs are not helping us (if they are limiting beliefs) can be exchanged for others that serve us in our lives.

LIMITATIVESPOTENTIATORS
I cannotI can
I am not able toI am able to
I am not strongI am strong
I am not creativeI am creative
I am no goodI am good
Showing one's feelings is weakShowing feelings is natural

Beliefs are basically judgements and evaluations about: 

  • Ourselves. 
  • Other.
  • And about the world around us. 

It must be clear to the entrepreneur that: ahat you believe in determines who you are, what you do and what you achieve. Many of these beliefs are limiting.

That is to say: instead of helping you become a better person and get what you want, they function as a barrier that separates you from what you want to achieve.

THE VAST MAJORITY OF THESE LIMITING BELIEFS ARE GENERATED BY:

  • Lack of self-esteem (you don't think you are good enough or deserving enough).
  • Impositions of society (what your teachers, friends, family or partner consider "right" and what they expect from you).
  • Bad experiences from the past (bitter drinks that you don't forget and that leave their mark on your personality).

We all have limiting beliefs. The important thing is identify them, recognise those that are limiting us and convince us that what we believe is NOT true.

  • CONFIRMATION BIAS

Confirmation bias" consists of look for evidence to prove that our beliefs are true. In doing so, we only focus on the facts that prove us right and ignore the millions of pieces of evidence that prove our belief false.

For example: "I am too young to succeed".

Our confirmation bias will do its best to focus on the cases of young people who were rejected because of their inexperience and those who were not taken seriously because of their appearance, rather than focusing on the millions of young people around the world who achieved their greatest goals before the age of 40.

  • KEY IDEAS ON BELIEFS

They are principles of action, we act as if they were true. We construct our beliefs based on our experience and, at the same time, our beliefs influence our experiences. Beliefs change as results of experience and experiences change as a result of beliefs. We can tell what a person believes by what they do, not by what they say. We all have our own reality, created and sustained by our beliefs, and we act according to this reality. 

  • BELIEFS OF THE COACH/MENTOR NECESSARY FOR THE PROCESS

In order to perform our role in the best possible way, coaches/mentors rely on a number of tools empowering beliefs. 

AS A COACH/MENTOR, SOME OF THESE BELIEFS ARE:
  • People can change their behaviour. 
  • Behaviours maintained over time change our identity. 
  • People don't do things wrong on purpose, it doesn't make sense. 
  • Our perception of reality is not reality. 
  • Every individual has a talent within that is waiting to be revealed.
  • Taking mistakes as learning brings us closer to the goal. 
AS A COACH/MENTOR WE ASSUME THAT:
  • If you want to understand, act. In coaching and mentoring, action is about taking the right steps to move towards the goals set. 
  • There is no such thing as failure, there is only learning. Failure should be understood only as a judgement on short-term measured outcomes. The only failure to achieve a goal is abandonment and, in either case, the choice is always up to the individual. 
  • The most powerful belief of all for a mentor is that we all have the resources we need.
  • All behaviour has a purpose.
  • We create our own reality. Our goals, beliefs and values build our mental maps.
  • There are always options, and we always have a choice. 

HOW TO DETECT LIMITING BELIEFS

Did you know that we talk to ourselves about 50,000 times a day, 80% of which contain negative messages? That is a good place to start.

Ask the entrepreneur: What negative things do you say to yourself?

Example: "I've done it wrong again, I'll never get it right". 

In addition to this, the best way to detect limiting beliefs is to ask powerful questions. Obviously, each person will be different, but you can start by asking: Why, every time you detect a goal that you think you can't achieve. Or in other words: What is stopping you from reaching your goal? What do you think is holding you back?

You can do the same when you notice that something is preventing you from living your values.

For example: I have the courage to live freely, but I am unable to leave my job from 8am to 7pm and dedicate myself to something else in order to gain autonomy. If you ask yourself why, it might come to something like "I'm only good for what I'm doing right now". These are limiting beliefs. 

Explore the most common areas of limiting beliefs, which are:  

  • Despair (I believe the target is not achievable).
  • Impotence (the goal is achievable, but I don't think I am capable of it).
  • Absence of merit (I don't think I deserve the target). 

Another way to detect limiting beliefs is to "pay attention to the language" used by the entrepreneur. In fact, one of the three schools of coaching bases the process on the importance of language, ontological coaching. The language we use is certainly not innocent and creates reality.

When we say: "I will never be able to run a marathon" we create the reality of not being able to do it, but...; What if you really set your mind to it, train hard for a whole year, change your diet etc.? The answer to that question already leads us to reframe the question, shifting the perspective of the question to the cost of preparedness. It is no longer impossible, "the truth is that if I put my mind to it and do everything I can, I could finish it". 

A list of 19 terms defined as absolute: all, absolutely, always, complete, completely, incessantly, unceasingly, incessantly, definitely, entirely, never, every, each, every one, every thing, full, duty, never, nothing, totally and wholly...are strong indicators of possible limiting beliefs. Follow your instinct until you find the belief that holds the entrepreneur back from moving forward.

And remember, language is not innocent, if he has expressed it, it is for a reason. He may even do it unconsciously to give you clues as to what is wrong and wants to work on it. It is about putting those beliefs in black and white and becoming aware of them.

In this way, we make it easier for the entrepreneur to get to know himself better and have more capacity to grow. Always being anchored at the same level of consciousness is like always reading the same page of a book. 

LIMITING VS EMPOWERING BELIEFS

Our mind influences our life

BeliefsCertainties
Idea or thought assumed to be trueSecure and clear knowledge about something
They can be:You have to accept them as they are, because they are objective.
Constraints: those beliefs that prevent us from achieving our goals 
Enhancers: those beliefs that empower us to achieve our goals 
* These two beliefs depend on us and our attitude, and have a great influence on our lives. 

Now that you know about limiting beliefs and how they can affect you, reflect on yourself.

Watch video (+)

Identify beliefs that may be limiting you from reaching your goals.

Irrational beliefs. Reducing them with Emotional ABC by Albert Ellis.

To be good mentors we have to unlearn many habits and discover our beliefs... especially those that are not good. Albert Ellis developed a method to reduce the 12 most common irrational beliefs.

  • TRIGGERING EVENTS:

    • I have not been promoted.
  • THOUGHTS AND BELIEFS:

    • I am a failure.
    • It's terrible, I'm incompetent.
  • EMOTIONAL AND BEHAVIOURAL CONSEQUENCES: 

    • I feel depressed, frustrated.
    • I have insomnia, I meet minimums at work, I complain.
  • DEBATE OF BELIEFS:

    • Where is the evidence that...? Why does it have to be like this...?
    • Where is it written or where is the law that says so...?
  • RATIONAL RESPONSES:

    • Just because he has not achieved promotion does not mean that he is incompetent....
    • I can improve my performance and try again....
    • I can look for other alternatives...

IRRATIONAL BELIEFS

RATIONAL BELIEFS

I need love and approval from important people and must avoid disapproval at all costs.

Love and approval are good, and I will try to have them when I can.

But I can survive (however uncomfortably) without them.

To consider myself valuable as a person, I must succeed in everything I undertake and not make mistakes.

I will try to achieve as much as I can, but unfailing success and competition are not realistic.

The best thing is that I accept myself as a person, regardless of my achievements.

People should always do the right thing.

When they behave in a hateful, inattentive or selfish manner, they are to be blamed and punished.

It is a pity that people sometimes do bad things.

But humans are not perfect and irritating me won't really change that.

Things should be the way I want them to be.

Otherwise, life will be unbearable.

No law says that things have to be the way I want them to be.

It's frustrating, but I can cope, especially if I avoid catastrophic thinking.

My unhappiness is caused by things beyond my control.

So there is little I can do to feel better.

Many external factors beyond my control.

But it is my thoughts (not external things) that cause the feelings.

And I can learn to control my thoughts.

I have to worry about things that might be dangerous, unpleasant or frightening.

Otherwise, they could occur.

Worrying about things that could go wrong is not going to stop them from happening.

Rather, it will ensure that I worry and fret about the present moment.

I can be happier by avoiding life's difficulties, discomforts and responsibilities.

Avoiding problems is only easier in the short term.

Ignoring difficulties may make them worse later and make me worry about them for longer.

We all need to rely on someone stronger.

Leaning on someone can make us dependent.

It's okay to seek help while I learn to trust myself and my own judgement.

The events of my past are the cause of my current problems and continue to influence my current feelings and behaviour.

The past cannot influence me now.

My current beliefs are the cause of my reactions.

I may have learned these beliefs in the past, but I can question and change them in the present.

I should worry a lot when others have problems and feel distressed when they are sad.

I cannot change the problems and negative feelings of others by worrying about them myself.

You should not experience any discomfort or pain.

I can't stand it and I must avoid it at all costs.

Why should I, in particular, experience no discomfort or pain?

I don't like them, but I can stand them.

Besides, my life would be very restricted if I always avoided discomfort.

Every problem should have an ideal solution and it is intolerable when one does not find it.

Problems usually have many possible solutions.

It is better to stop waiting for the perfect one and try the best one at hand.

I can live with less than ideal.

Psychological disorders stem from Cognitive distortions, which are erroneous ways of thinking that appear in automatic thoughts in the face of certain stress-triggering situations, causing negative emotional states and inappropriate behaviours.

They derive from irrational beliefs or personal assumptions learned in the past, that unconsciously condition the perception and interpretation of past, present and future experience.

These cognitive distortions not only appear in patients, but some of them are part of our internal chatter or self-talk in times of stress.

These thoughts are very different from those we have when we are calm and reflect rationally on problems in order to find effective solutions. Here is a list of cognitive distortions and how we can combat them by changing our internal dialogue.

We can also use these techniques to help the entrepreneur think:

Filtering: is to focus exclusively on the negative aspects of a situation, exaggerating its importance. Negative emotionality colours the interpretation of the situation. 

  • Examples: 
    • "I've missed a client again", "I can't stand it", "I can't stand it", "it's horrible", "it's unbearable".

A frequent situation of this distortion occurs in performance interviews. When the boss makes positive or negative comments about the employee's behaviour, the employee is often left with only the criticisms.

POSITIVE SELF-DIALOGUE:

Ask yourself:

  • "What has happened before?"; "Was it really that horrible?"; "Can anything be done if it happens again?"
  • De-dramatise and look for solutions: "it's no big deal".
  • Shift the focus to the positive aspects: "my boss really wanted to congratulate me, even if I didn't do well".

Catastrophic vision: is to anticipate events in a catastrophic way, to put oneself in the possibility that the worst will happen for oneself. 

  • Examples: 
    • "What if it happens to me?"; "What if the company goes bad?"; "What if the crisis comes?", "What if I lose my job?".

POSITIVE SELF-DIALOGUE:

Ask yourself:

  • Other times I've thought about it and; "What really happened?", "What are the chances of that happening?".
  • Stop anticipating, focus on the present and assess possibilities.
  • Analyse the possibilities.

Polarised thinking: consists of evaluating events in an extreme way (good/bad, black/white), without taking into account the intermediate degrees and nuances.

  • Examples: 
    • When faced with a mistake at work: "I am incompetent".
    • In the face of an unsuccessful promotion: "I am a failure".
    • When a partner does not agree with us: "if you are not with me, you are against me".

POSITIVE SELF-DIALOGUE:

Ask yourself:

  • "Between these two extremes, are there degrees in between?", "What percentage of this is the case?
  • Graduate the situation.
  • Think in percentages.

On generalisation: is to draw a general conclusion from a single particular fact without sufficient basis.

  • Examples: 
    • "My boss never listens to me; "You are always late for work"; "Everything"; "No one"; "Never"; "Always"; "Everyone"; "None".

POSITIVE SELF-DIALOGUE:

Ask yourself:

  • "How many times has that actually happened?"; "What evidence do I have to draw that conclusion?", "Are there any exceptions?", "Are there any exceptions?".
  • Quantify.
  • Concretise and look for evidence.

Interpretation of thought: is the tendency to interpret the feelings and intentions of others without proof.

  • Examples: 
    • "He's always smiling at me, but I know he doesn't like me"; "He ignored me on purpose"; "I know he's lying to me", "That's because of...", "That's because of...".

POSITIVE SELF-DIALOGUE:

Ask yourself:

  • "What evidence do I have to support this assumption? What can I do to test this assumption?
  • Verify.
  • Look for evidence, stop assuming.

Personalisation: consists of the habit of relating the facts of the environment to oneself, showing oneself to be susceptible. Also, the habit of behaving towards others.

  • Examples: 
    • Faced with a comment from the boss about the decline in the quality of work. "That's what he says for me. Also: "I am more/less capable, faster than...", "I work harder than...".

POSITIVE SELF-DIALOGUE:

Ask yourself:

  • "What proof do I have that he means me?"; "Does comparing me when I lose out help me at all?"
  • Check assumptions.
  • Avoid comparisons.
  • Search for evidence and effects.

You should: is to maintain rigid and existing rules on how things should happen. Any deviation from these rules is considered unbearable. They give rise to the irrational beliefs identified by Ellis, rather than expressing personal desires and preferences.

  • Examples: 
    • "I should be competent and not make mistakes", "I must", "I should...", "I shouldn't...", "I have to...", "I don't have to...", "You have to...".

POSITIVE SELF-DIALOGUE:

Ask yourself:

"What evidence do I have to say that this must necessarily be so?"; "Is it so serious if it doesn't happen as I say it should happen?"

  • Questioning, making the rule more flexible.
  • Check its effect.

Global labels: consists of putting a general qualifier or globalising label on ourselves or others. When we label, we reduce the whole person or situation to a single stereotyped and unchangeable aspect.

  • Examples: 
    • "I'm shy", "You're unfriendly", "You're unpunctual", "You're inconsiderate".

POSITIVE SELF-DIALOGUE:

Ask yourself:

"Am I 100% like this, or are there other aspects of me that escape this label?"; "Can I change?"; "Is my partner like this by definition, or does he or she behave like this only sometimes? Search for cases that escape the label.

Guilt: is to attribute full responsibility for events to oneself or to others, ignoring other contributing factors. Blaming oneself or others does not help to change behaviour, but can lead to brooding and emotional distress.

  • Examples: 
    • Because of me..."; "Because of him..."; "It's his fault..."; "It's the fault of...".

POSITIVE SELF-DIALOGUE:

Ask yourself:

  • "What evidence do I have to believe it?"
  • "Can there be other causes or perpetrators?
  • "What's the point of looking for culprits?

Look for other motives or reasons. Check usefulness. To be right: consists in the habit of fighting to impose one's own criteria, proving that one's own point of view is correct and that the other is wrong. The other's arguments are either ignored or roundly refuted.

  • Examples: 
    • "I am right, he is wrong"; "I know I am right", "I am right".

POSITIVE SELF-DIALOGUE:

Ask yourself:

"Am I really listening to my interlocutor?", "Is he entitled to his point of view?", "Can I learn something from his point of view?".

Stop focusing exclusively on oneself.

LISTEN TO THE OTHER

The cognitive restructuring techniques outlined above are as applicable to changing the internal dialogue as they are to helping the mentoree think. Examples of powerful questions that complement this approach will be discussed later in the chapter on communication.

TASK

NOW THAT YOU HAVE LEARNED ALL ABOUT THIS TIP, YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS:

  • Choose from the list of irrational beliefs proposed by Ellis the three that most negatively affect you. Apply the ABC method to discuss them and arrive at a more effective reformulation.

Triggering events

Thoughts and beliefs

Emotional consequences

Debate of beliefs

Rational responses

     
     
     
  • Choose three distorted beliefs that rob you of energy. Identify the type of cognitive distortion (filtering, overgeneralisation...). Do a positive reformulation of each belief.
Distorted beliefsType of distortionReformulationDebate of beliefsRational responses
Example: if I don't get this promotion my career will collapseCatastrophic vision   

CASE STUDY

Juan is an entrepreneur who has started an online business selling beauty products. He has worked hard to launch his business and has had some success, but is frustrated because he feels he cannot reach more customers.

His mentor, Ana, meets with him regularly to discuss his progress and give him feedback. At their last meeting, Anna noticed that John seemed to be stuck in his progress and was unsure how to move forward.

Anne decided to investigate whether John had limiting beliefs that might be preventing him from reaching his full potential. During the meeting, Anne began to ask John questions to better understand his mindset and thinking behind his behaviour.

  • Ana asked: "John, what is stopping you from reaching more customers, what makes you feel you can't do it?
  • John responded: "I don't know. I feel like I don't know enough about online marketing to reach more people. I feel like there's something I'm missing or I'm doing wrong".

Anne realised that John had a limiting belief about his knowledge of online marketing.

  • She continued to ask: "John, where does this belief come from? Has anyone ever told you that you're not good enough at online marketing?
  • John reflected and responded: "Well, not really. I've never had any experience in online marketing before starting this business, so I'm insecure about my skills".

Anne decided it was important for John to recognise this limiting belief and work on overcoming it. Together, they explored the different ways John could improve his online marketing skills, such as taking a course or finding an online marketing mentor to help him.

With Ana's support and guidance, Juan was able to overcome his limiting belief and learn new skills to grow his business. In the end, his online beauty products business became a huge success and reached a much wider audience.

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Eugenia Cavero Gandarias

Eugenia Cavero Gandarias

Psychologist
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COMENTARIOS

  1. FERNANDO SILVOSA-QUANTUM TALENT

    VERY COMPLETE AND VALUABLE TIP AND THE VIDEO IS VERY GOOD AND HIGHLY RECOMMENDABLE TO WATCH.

  2. Paula

    Very true. We are totally influenced by subjective and distorted limiting thoughts. If we manage to avoid them we break all barriers.

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